In defense of the non-believers,/even Thomas had to see and touch to believe,/ and now we call him Saint./Even Peter denied three times,/and Judas Iscariot betrayed the flesh his God would die in./ Even Nietzsche,/ in his insatiable hunger for God,/called himself Antichrist./ Even the heretic,/though mistaken, /seeks after God;/and God,/in His mercy,/can forgive all kinds of mistakes./I myself once danced at the edge of the abyss./A solitudinous dance,/deprived even of God./Where once was heard Heaven’s sweet sighs,/Earths proclamation of something beyond the birds and the trees,/I was crushed by the silence of the cosmos./And right before I could declare that God is dead,/a voice called from the abyss,/or else I know not where./So I dove in and drowned there./I have been the doubter, betrayer and denier./I have been the heretic./And though I’ve never been a saint, it aches now/- the realization that I spent so much of my life/being convinced of my own rightness./And yes, I do believe that I have been an Antichrist./For they are the ones in the churches/with Christ on their lips and judgement in their hearts./And it occurs to me/that the only difference between me and the non-believer/is that I repent every day of my disbelief.

//In defense of the non-believers, 4/24/2019
//Collette Kristevski

*Deep breath* I am SUPER hesitant to share this one. This was originally 2 seperate incomplete poems that were just not working, and then I saw the #amykaypoemaday “In defense of…” prompt and somehow this happened. I may identify as a Christian, but I am no stranger to disbelief. Thankfully, it’s not just about whether you “believe” in the biblical God or not. I don’t even know what people mean when they say that they “believe.” The concept of belief or faith has been so watered down that it almost means, at best something one does blindly in suspension of disbelief, or at worse something one does out of ignorance or stupidity. It’s a lot more complicated than that. And listen, I know that people who don’t “believe” don’t need me to defend them. All I’m saying in this piece is that I get it. I don’t always “believe” either. Anyway, I’m curious what people think about this piece, so please leave your thoughts in the comments.